5.16

reflecting on what it means when a year ends. i'd thought 2008 was bad and that 2009 would be better. tchah, no such luck. 2009 kicked me in the teeth.
i have no expectations from 2010 so maybe it will be better.

5.15

thinking that i must practise reading between the lines.

5.14

thinking morbid thoughts.
i wonder if dying is painful. i hope not, i hope it's just like falling asleep, you are awake and then ping! you are asleep. or dead. that simple. aah well we'll all find out in due course.

5.13

thinking that the realisation "he's just not that into you" is hugely liberating. and thinking that no matter who loves whom, perhaps no one is ever truly loved in the way they want to be.

5.12

thinking of sleep.
uninterrupted deep dreamless sleep. in a large bed with soft sheets and huge fat pillows. for as many hours as i need. no doorbells, no phonecalls, no emails on the blackberry.
i need sleep. i want sleep. i crave sleep.

5.11

thinking of romance. of poetry. of the romance in poetry and the poetry of romance. since i read this poem yesterday.

When you find a man
Who transforms
Every part of you
Into poetry,
Who makes each one of your hairs
Into a poem,
When you find a man,
Capable,
As I am
Of bathing and adorning you
With poetry,
I will beg you
To follow him without hesitation,
It is not important
That you belong to me or him
But that you belong to poetry.

by nizar qabbani
translated by bassam k. frangieh and clementina r. brown

5.10

thinking 'why bother'...

5.9

thinking this time i will complete reading the lord of the rings series. i have progressed far beyond the point at which i normally gave up.

5.8

thinking of priorities, relationships and where they intersect.

also thinking, being sensible is boring and over-rated. just saying.

5.7

thinking of how sleep deprived i am. there may be some truth to that old hindu chestnut about sleeping east-west not north-south, after all. not one single night in the new house /bedroom have i slept peacefully through the night. it's like a series of dreams, one after another all night long. i have worked, watched movies and answered my own questions in my dreams. now all i can think of is how / when will i sleep well again....